C.F. – Maryland

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8/24/21

By February 15th 2021 I was a proud, fully vaccinated healthcare work eager to return to a fully functioning center providing my clients with the best support possible. Despite becoming increasingly and rapidly disabled.

After the fist dose received in mid-January 20201, I was out of work with high fever (spiking 6.8 degrees in the matter of an hour), whole body aches temperature flashes (hot/cold), worst headaches of my life (light and noise intolerances), numbness and tingling in my limbs and most concerning was sharp chest paint that felt like they were stabbing through my heart. I called all of the symptom report hotlines that were provided on the vaccine documentation and was on hold for half hours to 40 minutes and then the line just ended with a click. I called my PC and they said they have no answers, contact the hotline or go to the hospital.

Following these symptoms lessening slightly I attempted to return to work. It was a struggle to complete my workday muscle weakness and all around exhaustion kept me from being able to ensure the safety and proper care of my clients. Three weeks before I even received the second dose I was forced onto unpaid medical leave by my employer. Following that, four months of appointments, painful tests, insanely high medical bills and I still have no answers. Not only was I without an income for those 4 months, but in the end of May I officially lost my job due to my employers inability to provide accommodations.

The list of symptoms I have is too long to try and compile in full here but I can say that I can check off just about every symptom reported on this sight. Including numbness, shooting pain, vision and hearing difficulties. Difficulty breathing, inability to speak clearly, full body muscular convulsions, inability to walk. Inability to independently perform tasks of daily living such as preparing food, feeding and bathing myself. When asked, I have come to explain it like a mix of Parkinson's, turrets and seizures put together,

I have had extensive physical testing and no one knows what is going on or what to recommend, I continuously was told that its a psychological disorder, that I am too stressed out. I was diagnosed with FND officially in May and was told I needed to consult someone who specializes in that treatment because no one of my expansive medical team knew enough about it, I spent following month searching daily and feeling ever more helpless because the closest listed provider was in Tennessee.

Finally working with a human employed by my insurance I found a provider a little over an hour away from me, It wasn't until I met with that provider and they asked about my vaccination status and made the connection of date and symptomology uptick that I had remotely considered the effect of the vaccine. even months after that suggestion I was in denial. I had some similar symptoms before vaccination and literally no one else is having symptoms other than fatigue... or so I thought.

The provider showed me the cases on this sight and what was being reported on front line doctors. I was shocked, horrified, betrayed and validated?.. only a little. But what do I do now?... I still don't know.

PS: applied for unemployment: no aid.

applied for disability: application is being processed (going on 5 months)

employed: yes. but can only manage about 7 hours max per week. at minimum wage rate.

If you will continue to humor me, I would like to share a ""journal"" entry I wrote a month or so ago, and a post to social media that followed. These writings were created following yet another string of confrontations surrounding my voicing hesitation for mass EXPERIMENTAL vaccination of the population. Trying to reach people who I thought were friends and warn them of what happened to me,

""About the Vax:

I don’t do politics

Not, “I don’t usually do politics but…”

Just simply, I don’t do politics.

This is not political

Human life should not be political.

Is not political.

Human life should not have a price tag.

Basic needs should not be debated.

I shouldn’t have to try to figure out which is more important paying for gas to get to work or paying for food to eat for the next two weeks.

Especially because those were the two “needs” that won over the rest (rent, electricity, medication, doctors’ appointments, phone bill, car bill, debt payments, medical bills, car repairs, and more) on the list.

I am blessed.

I will never deny that.

I lived 23 years of my life mobile, verbal, seeing and hearing.

I have the best support that two lower-middle class families can provide.

I have friends, families, and an amazing partner.

I have two college degrees, (with no student debt.)

I have the best healthcare in the country (thank you dad) $10 co-pay per visit even for specialists.

Yet, I am almost entirely disabled.

And entirely broke.

I love science, I love logic.

I believe in research, and people, and potential, and the ability of good in the world.

I loved my career, I care deeply about my clients, and about what positive influence I and others around can be for them.

I am a good girl.

I read all the fine print.

I follow company policy.

I address every aspect of my job description.

I admit when I don’t know the answer.

I admit when I was wrong.

I listen to feedback and consider others perspectives.

My role in life is to care.

My passion is to do good.

I did everything I was told to do.

Everything … until morality came into question.

Have lost ranking, faced harassment, feared losing my job and left companies

because I have pointed out and advocated against the mistreatment of clients

and refused to falsify legal documentation.

The world is shutting down

Staff are quitting

But the clients are still in need

Maybe even more so

So I go.

I go to work in hospitals

On units in quarantines

Where the clients don’t follow the rules

and the charge only shrugged and said “what can we do?”

Routine temperature checks

But without PPE

Where the joke is; which is your favorite the boots, the shield or the gloves?

Because we each only get to pick one.

While the neighbor,

A high school graduate who only worked part-time

Is collecting unemployment at a rate 3 times higher

Then that, “front-line worker” salary of mine.

I lose work and pay, because others carelessness.

Because company mandates a minimum 3-week quarantine when “potential exposure” occurs.

Even without symptoms, return is barred until negatives test results are procured.

But those tests are paid for from my own pocket ($130 each) and can take up to 3 more weeks to have results.

I signed a form that said I would report, and much more I care for my client’s safety.

So, I endure.

For a year I served, Through a global pandemic

A year Exhausted, Overworked, Understaffed, Unprotected

A year watching people suffer

A year worried about what I could be bring home

A year confused, deceived and conflicted.

A year without stability

A year asking why am I taking these risks

A year doing what I thought was right.

As this year ended, my autonomy ended too.

The mark of a year arrived.

And the first wave of trial vaccines were being administered.

My company was approved to receive vaccination.

And the pressure came hard.

By the second round it was company mandated.

By the second round I was “a safety liability”

And could no longer work.

I signed onto the experiment because I trusted.

I read all the papers and asked all the questions

I got little reassurance

But my role is to care

And my passion to do good

I poisoned my body

In faith of a greater good

In hope for a sound moral and support

With this I am left the question:

How is it that we must constantly weigh, must always fight between, morality and survival?

Posted to FB 9:54pm 7/22/21

To anyone that I have spoken to/ commented on your posts about the vaccine. Please know that I am not attacking you. I want you to be safe. I want you to be healthy. I want you to be informed. I want you to choose to make the best decision for yourself, and I recognize that that for you that may be getting vaccinated. But please be aware that for myself and a number of others this was not the best choice.

I AM NOT ANTI-VAX.

I am, however, against mandated experimentation and lack of informed consent.

As it is good practice to read what you sign, it is good practice to be informed of what may happen when you enter an experiment. It is even better form to know how ""effects"" of the experiment could impact you verses others. So just like asking if there are peanuts in the desert when you have allergies, ask how experimental elements affect your individual body.

Don't make my mistake of assuming you will be ok. When afforded the opportunity please consider what is best for you.

All my love and support!""

I would like to end by thanking you for reading, and for giving me a semblance of support and community, Where all other platforms are screeching that I am the worst creature to exist on the face of the planet because I said that mass experimentation, that has disabled me, may not be a good idea.

-C.F. - Maryland

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